10 guys I wouldn't date (especially if they were real)

1) Capt. Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean

Because no matter how well he works the grungy pirate-chic look, I still prefer a man who's acquainted with toothpaste. And soap.

2) Johnny English

Because he's just Mr. Bean in a black suit who's been  allowed near the guns and bombs.

3) Raji from Be Cool

Well, because Vince Vaughn is just A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G, and any character he plays is just that too, multiplied by 5.

4) The Grinch from The Grinch who stole Christmas
Because he stole Christmas! Bad, bad Grinch!

5) Edward Scissorhands

Because looking at him reminds me of a conversation between two characters in the teen horror-flick 'Jennifer's Body'--

Mom: Did you hear what Colin Gray looked like when they found him?

Chip: Lasagna with teeth?

6) Santa Claus

Because, honestly, would you trust him around those helpers?

7) Bruno
Transcript of a conversation between Bruno and diplomats of Israel and Palestine where he tries to make them 'get along'--

"Will you, the Palestinians,agree to give the pyramids back to the Israelis?

"This is in Egypt. Not in Palestine."

"I don't care where you put them.Give them back."

I rest my case.

8) The Thing from The Fantastic Four

Because when you're named 'The Thing', you'd better be packing some serious mojo. And a monster made out of rock-clumps is just not doing it for me, you know?

9) Truman Burbank from The Truman Show

Because who wants to be with a guy who doesn't have a grip on reality?

10) Spike from Notting Hill
Because the t-shirt says it all.

However, the guys I would go out with, are either ---

1) Transvestite

Dr. Frank-N-Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show

2) Gay (and far too young)


Kurt Hummel from Glee

3) Or dead--

Edward Bloom from Big Fish

Alas, there is no hope!