Saturday, May 05, 2012

Flippin' the Bitch Switch

The cute haircut I almost didn't have.
 I enter the salon at five minutes to three and tell the girl at the counter that I have a three o'clock appointment.

"Please be seated, Ma'am" she says.

I sit and while away the time till 3.20 p.m.

I catch her eye and raise an eyebrow. She goes scurrying around, speaking to all the stylists one by one, and looks furtively in my direction, but she doesn't come up to me even once to ask me who my appointment is with. She goes back to her desk and starts flipping through the pages of her appointment book like a crazed person. I walk up to her and ask her if there's a problem.

Friday, May 04, 2012

Does this question make me look fat?

So Joe, who you’ve already read about here, and who is still reluctant to allow me to use his real name on my blog, because I spontaneously ( I believe the word he used was 'gratuitously') bring up the topic of hoo-has where they don’t belong  (though why does referring to them have to be so awkward?), called me this morning to catch up. 

Though he's incredibly busy, and spends a lot of time flying around to different corners of the country, and the world (which makes me just hate him and envy him madly), he always manages to find time to call me every other day. And while I just babble on and on and on, most of my tirades are just met with a 'Hmmmm.' But he has been dealing with me for many years, and he has learnt well.

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Some people are just born to be providers of blog content

So this calendar, right, is sitting on a table in my sister's house. And like a lot of other things she does, I can't explain this either. Doesn't it just remind you of the convicts of yore who scratched on the walls of their prison cells, with a jagged bit of stone, to figure out how much of life was passing them by, day by agonizing day? What? Only 14 years and 28 days more days to go before I can get out ? Yay me! 

You'd think we kept her chained in the basement, or garage, and fed her out of a tin plate when she was a child, wouldn't you?

You know, it doesn't seem like such a bad idea, when I actually see those words out in the open like that.

Sigh. Too late now.

Ode to May

Oh, May! You hold a special place in my heart, because you remind me of childhood summer vacations and picnics with my friends, spent splashing around in the cool, sparkling river, till we were frozen, and shrivelled like raisins.

Of bicycle races, of sneaking out on languid afternoons to trespass on a neighbouring farmer's property and break mangoes from his trees. Of risking our lives by laying coins on the railway tracks so that the train would flatten and disfigure them, and we would be left with souvenirs of our bravery. Of devouring glasses of mango fool, and drinking in the cool, crisp air as we gesticulated our way to victory in Dumb Charades wars.

Yes, May, you fill me with longing and sweet emotion reserved for a first love.

But these days, I love you mostly because your gorgeous, flaming red flowers make my nose itch considerably less than April's flowers do.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

What I love about going home

Do you need further proof that cuteness is inherited?

Sweetness personified. The glue that has kept our family together through thick and thin. She has had the unenviable task of dealing with two very disparate personalities-polar opposites, in fact, in the form of my sister and me. The referee when we have our screaming matches, and is sometimes unintentionally funny. She has taught us, through word and example, to be honest, respectful, compassionate, and to hold our heads high, and persevere with patience and determination.She is our guardian angel, always looking out for us, always thinking the best of us, always expecting the best from us. Wanting our happiness more than anything else. I have been told that I possess her features, and some of her charm.Ahem. 

OK, that last bit I may have just made up, but let's just pretend that it's true.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Missed a spot

This ear belongs to my sister, who I have already written about here, and here, and here. For now, only a picture of her ear is allowed on this blog. If I permit any more than that, very soon, she'll be taking over my blog, and having an affair with it, and running away with it, and marrying it, and having its little blog babies. And before you know it, this blog would have stripped of all its charm (ahem!) and been renamed ' THE @#&*%#%& BEEP BEEP BEEP, BEEPITY BEEP BLOG.'

I wish I could tell you what the deal is with all the piercings and all, but I seriously haven't got a clue. Elaine Davidson wannabe perhaps? I don't know. And she would have gone on, but she ran out of space. Though I can tell you this - when it does come in handy is when we're baking, and we need to measure out about 50 grams of something (like baking soda, for instance) and can't find the weight, we just detach her ear and use that instead.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Cats are silly (and Moms are weird)

The strangest object caught my eye when I went home for Easter this time. It was this mobile-type thing hanging above the porch. You know, those dangling things that people hang above babies’ cots to keep them entertained, which they do, for about thirty seconds, after which the babies promptly get back to screaming and hollering and demanding that their parents find something new to entertain them with. The baby mobiles usually have some plastic elephants, and hippos, and also other miscellaneous animals that do not resemble anything in actual existence dangling from them. But this one that mom had hung up had…DEAD BIRDS?